Big likes Big

An artical in the Korea Herald was recently brought to my attention. Brilliantly written by one Jane Cooper, of whom I know little except that (she? I can only assume...) is possessed of a clever wit. She writes of one Bernard Carleton, who placed an add in a free biweekly rag, for a discussion group called "World Class". Apparently the group conducts meetings in Seoul, for the purpose of promoting cultural understanding and "breaking down prejudices". The clever bit is that the add concludes with the request, "No Canadians, please".

Lady Cooper allegedly contacted Mr. Carleton for clarification, and was told, "Canadians are scum. They are self-loving, welfare supporting, over-taxing, work-ethic hating scum. They are not welcome in our group."

I can only assume that a)Mr. Carleton does not actually exist, and is a clever hoax devised by Cooper for the purposes of rebuking Canadians for their propensity toward anti-Americanism, or b)Mr. Carleton is an Australian.

I am leaning toward the first assumption, since this thing is too patently ridiculous to be true. As for the second alternative, I voice it only because Australians are the only people to take us (Canadians) seriously enough to actively despise us. But I lean away from the second possibility on the grounds that Auzzies never actually SHOW their hate towards Canadians unless they're losing a drunken argument, the girl of the evening, or both.

But let's assume just for fun that Bernie really exists... hmm. Bernard. Definitely Australian. I would like to take this oppurtunity not to deny per se, but at least answer to the charges at hand.

1.I do love myself. You are right, Bernie. Canadians are smarter than Americans AND Auzzies put together. And we're more fun at parties than the Brits. But not all Canadians like themselves as much as Big likes Big. We have more than our fair share of self-loathing wet blankets.

2.I hate welfare. Every time I'm on it, I think, "This sucks!"

3.Over-taxing? Are you talking about Canad-IANS, or Canad-A? Did you mean over-tax-ING, or over-tax-ED? I can assure you, no one hates Canadian taxes more than Canadians. Get in line.

4.I do not hate work ethics. I hate work. I just thought that should be clear. I have deep respect for hard workers. Better them than me.

That said, regardless of whether Mr. Carleton does or does not exist, the Lady Cooper 's article is vastly amusing. Please check it out for yourself. She also provides an email address for the alleged Mr. Cooper, cbicsmd@yahoo.com, for those inclined to respond either to the invitation to join the "World Class" group, or voice their opinions on his attitude toward breaking down prejudice and cultural misunderstanding.

Finally, I would like to thank Jane Cooper for an amusing read. I haven't had this much fun since I beat a drunk Auzzie in an argument.

P.S.:No Australians were actually harmed in the writing of this document... I couldn't find any. Where the bloody hell are you?